dear Z,

It's weird how much you can text a person while never truly knowing where they are at or what they are doing.  Sometimes I wonder if you're in class when we play our game, or if she's around when I text you about her, or if I've woken you up to say something irrelevant.  Letters are a lot like text messages in that sense.  I don't know when you'll read this or where you will be.  Maybe you won't read it.  Maybe you will and then you'll crawl in bed to sleep.

***

I've been thinking a lot about Christianity and Christians lately.  Nothing new there.  I guess what I've been thinking about is the important part.  A week or so ago I was at dinner with some friends and some new acquaintances, one of whom was very opinionated.  He seemed to have a lot to say about his views on life and Jesus and all that.  I'm not going to go into all of the specifics of what he said and whether I think he was right or wrong, but there is one thing he said that I couldn't get off my mind for a few days until it clicked.

What he said was basically this:  Jesus did it, so will I.

I've heard this before and thought it really powerful, but I think when he used it to justify himself, that's when I started to think about it.  Sure Jesus hung out with sinners, and we should too; sure Jesus drank wine, so are we able to.  But there's something wrong with the way Christians have been using this turn of phrase.  I'm not going to get into the idea that we're not Jesus, making this way of thinking completely invalid.  I actually do believe that we are to strive to be like Christ in all ways and so that's an argument which I won't entertain.  But that's just it, "we are to strive to be like Christ in all ways."

I think a lot of Christians have justified drinking or whatever they do with the old "Jesus did it" trick.  And that's all fine, if they really mean it and believe that.  I've done it.  You've probably done it.  But the part that makes it hard for me is when I look at other aspects of a person's life and wonder, "Did Jesus do that too?"  Did Jesus worry about shopping for new clothes or about putting a new stereo in his car or about going to see the new Harry Potter?  Or, looking at my own life, did he play guitar and take photos and flirt with girls?  It seems like Jesus only comes into play when it's in our benefit and when what he did is actually something we want to do, but when it comes to things that don't interest us or even scare us (I'll admit it, the things Jesus did freak me out when I think to apply them to my own life) we just pretend they never happened.  There seems to be such a dichotomy within our lives.  How can I say that I must hang out with sinners because Jesus did when I can also say that I worry about what I'm going to eat each day when Jesus did not?  I'm a college student with an apartment while Jesus learned his father's trade and had no place to rest his head.  I'm getting the point where I no longer want Jesus to be a justification;  I want him to be the reason for everything in my life, or for nothing at all.

It is very hard to put my thoughts to words, but I hope this makes sense.  A conversation about this may have been a better choice.  Or maybe this will keep you up.

sincerely,

vm