I wish I had a best friend. I don't know what it's really like to have a best friend, someone to share things with at any time for any reason. I guess that's my own fault really. I don't like to talk about my problems for fear of ruining the flow of conversation, and I've lost entirely too many friends from putting a weight on them that they never asked to carry. It's hard, but I've learned you can't make anyone be your best friend. One must find another who is not only willing to listen, but who is eager to listen. Do you think the way girls talk about their best friends is how it really is? You know, they say that they can talk about anything and everything, and they do everything together, and they finish each other's sentences and wear each other's clothes and are just...always there. That would be amazing.
A huge problem that has me worried right now is the anxiety I've been feeling every time I'm around a large number of people. It's begun to make me very uncomfortable, which you know is not normal. I don't know what I'd do at a local LJ show. I might freak out. This anxiety has been around for a while, but in different areas of my life. I never expected it to show up where I'm most comfortable. I love hanging out with friends. I love meeting new people. I love when two groups of my friends get to know each other and merge into one group. Or, at least I thought I did. It's all becoming more and more overwhelming each time, and I don't know what to do about it. I hate being alone, but I'm afraid to hang out. And when I am hanging out, I don't want to just leave because it will raise too many questions which will only worsen the anxiety.
I need peace.
I need someone who is eager.
sincerely,
vm
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dear vm,