10.30.2011

dear lion,

Yesterday I climbed to the roof of our two-story house and read Sylvia Plath.  Apparently that sounds extremely depressing, but I promise it was anything but.  It was a nice day out.

I've been reading a lot lately.  I guess it comes with being out of school, only working part-time, and living twenty miles from anyone I might actually hang out with.  I read lots of comic books (thanks Ryan), graphic novels, and poetry.  I tried to read C.S. Lewis a few weeks ago, but couldn't make it past the first chapter.  So I returned it to the library and got more graphic novels and poetry.  The thing I love about comic books and graphic novels is that I can tell people that I read them because I enjoy the art.  And a lot of the time, that is true.  But something that I don't tell people is that my attention has been getting worse and that large words and over-sized blocks of text have begun to confuse me and make my brain hurt.  I wish I was exaggerating.  I get lost in long sentences.  I feel sick when a thought isn't complete after one page.  I don't know what is happening to me, but I hope it stops soon.  I'm waiting for my next paycheck so I can buy the new "Best American Short Stories", although I am so afraid that I will become overwhelmed by them as well.  I love short stories, and I can't imagine I will ever not be able to read them.  I hope I'm right.

(To clarify, when I say graphic novels I don't only mean of the superhero sort, but mostly of the serious sort.  Some great ones I've read recently are "That Salty Air" by Tim Sievert, "Embroideries" by Marjane Satrapi, and "Thoreau at Walden" by John Porcellino, which is sort of an illustrated version of Walden by Thoreau.  If only I could find a graphic novels of C.S. Lewis' work.)

Having so much alone time has caused me to become dependent on things like the internet and television, so I've been trying to step away from that more and more.  It's tough, because who in the world doesn't want to be lazy?  I've been trying to do more self-directed art and design projects.  I've been attempting to leave my phone in my room while I go downstairs to hang out with my roommates or read or something.  In the same way, I've been trying to get away from always being on my computer, or at least the internet.  Tonight I'm going to eat at a restaurant I dislike (for my friend's birthday) just because I want to go out.  A long time ago I posted on my photo blog about how I was trying to say yes more, to live and experience more.  I lost that for a while, but I want so much for that to be my mindset again.  I don't want to be a downer or a pessimist.  I just want to have fun.  Now that I've finally paid off my debts to everyone I owe (I hope) I have been able to save money and can eat more than ramen, so who cares if it's food from a terrible restaurant?  It will be with my friends, and that is what matters most.

I wish this letter was as deep and inspiring as my last letter.  It's not.  There have been a lot of ups and downs since then.  I still have my struggles with anxiety and dreams and so on, but there are some very good things going on as well.  I can't say that life is perfect right now, but I can say that it is only as good as you let it be.

So, in words I know you'll appreciate, just "let it be, let it be, let it be."



sincerely,
vm

4 comments:

  1. :)

    I have had the same problems with reading for the past two years. It's like my eyes don't focus as well as they used to, or maybe it's my mind. Or maybe everything is just boring.

    Try reading the webcomic Anders Loves Maria (it's now completed). Also, the graphic novels Anya's Ghost, the Scott Pilgrim series (it was really good xD), Fun House (only read a portion that was assigned in class), and American Born Chinese.

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  2. Have you read anything by Ralph Angel? He's good.

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  3. I found American Born Chinese at Half Price one time and wondered if it was good. I'll check it out sometime. And no, I haven't read Ralph Angel (that I am aware of), but I'll keep him in mind next time I get poetry books to read.

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  4. I forgot to mention that the internet is kinda bad when you're trying to train your mind. I know I get that attention problem every now and then, and to fix this I just take a break and meditate or spend more time hiking for a week or so. For me it's a sensory thing as well.

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dear vm,